Carnivale
by caffinate-me
Summary: 4th in the Western Series. November 1876. Step right up, come one, come all. The Alaster Circus is coming to Colorado Springs.
1. Chapter 1

Carnivale

4th in the Western Series. The Circus is coming to Colorado Springs.

Thank you, once again, to my awesome Beta Deb. You rock :)

Disclaimer: Yeah, still don't own them, or a horse, or cowboy boots but I do have a pretty snazzy pair of galoshes.

* * *

Chapter 1

The world was wet today.

That was the first cohesive thought that passed through his mind when he awoke. The world was wet. It had been raining for days, weeks. And it was a cold rain, the type that came in November when the leaves were changing and the temperature was dropping in preparation for winter.

The world outside was wet, but inside the small cabin it was warm and dry and Kate's body was curled into his, her protruding belly pressed up against him, the unborn baby smuggled between its parents.

He was waxing poetic this morning but he didn't care. He was allowed to do that sometimes when he was the only one awake. The rest of the world still encompassed in the realm of sleep. He brushed a hand down her side, reaching around to bring his fingers back up over the ridge of her spine. She had been putting on weight; that was good. Her cheeks were less sunken and the dark circles under her eyes were gone. It had taken months and the baby was due any day now but she was getting better.

He was stealing his moments when he could, running his hands over her body while she was still asleep, when she would relax into his touch instead of involuntarily shrinking from it. He didn't blame her, he understood. It wasn't by choice now, her body would flinch of its own accord. The look of shame in her eyes almost too much to bear. It pulled at his heart, a modicum of doubt bubbling up inside him, twisting with the anger for the man that did this to her.

He wanted to be able to touch his wife, to love her with abandon instead of with hesitation. Instead he was forced to steal moments with his hand pressed against her waist, her back, her belly, running down the side of her face, brushing finger tips over her ribs while she was still asleep and giving him a hint of a smile at the feeling. She nuzzled into him and his heart broke because he knew the moment her eyes fluttered open and the realities of life came crashing back down on her, she would pull away; back behind that protective wall of brick and mortar that she had unwittingly built.

He brought his hands up to run his fingers through her hair at her temple and she let out a content sigh, nuzzling her face further into his neck, her hot breath against his collarbone. He closed his eyes in contentment. She was here, with him. Even after six months of marriage and everything that they had been through together, it still amazed him. She was here. With him. And she was as beautiful as ever.

His hand ran down her side, out the ends of the blanket of hair and over her belly again. He reached up under the long shirt of his she had taken to wearing to bed, and pressed his hand against her belly, feeling the fluttering of motion underneath the surface. All of a sudden, a heel popped out into his palm and he brought his fingers around it, pinching it playfully before it disappeared. A smile broke across his face and Kate snuffled into the pillow. He ran his fingertips over the skin again, feeling a rounded form pressed up against the side, a head perhaps, or the bottom. It was hard to tell sometimes. There was another flutter and then the full form of a foot pressed out to him.

Kate groaned as he used his nail to gently tickle the small protrusion.

"Stop that, it tickles," she mumbled and he let out a chuckle as the foot retracted, as quickly as it had appeared.

He pulled back, the hem of her nightshirt falling back into place as he took back his arm, mourning the loss of the feeling of her skin against his palm. He let out a sigh, stopping short as his gaze drifted upwards to meet bright green eyes staring back at him, and lips tilted up in a hint of a smile underneath. .

"Good morning," she mumbled softly.

"Good morning," he replied back dumbly, his eyes still searching hers, looking for traces of that wall he had gotten so used to seeing; the resistance and restraint. "Did you sleep well?"

She nodded silently, her eyes still locked on his, not looking away. There was still a slight hesitation there but she seemed to be trying to resist the want to withdraw. She was trying to be there with him to let him touch her the way he wanted.

"The baby's awake," he continued, resisting his own urge to close his eyes at his series of inane statements.

"She has been for a while," Kate whispered back, her voice low. "So have I."

"You have?" Now he was staring at her, his eyes wide and his lips parted in surprise but he didn't care. She had been awake the whole time and she hadn't said anything. Sure, she hadn't pulled him closer and ravished him like he had been dreaming she would, but she hadn't pulled away either.

He took in a breath, parting his lips to say how much he loved her, how she was beautiful in the morning, to kiss her, to do anything to reassure himself that this was happening. She was letting him touch her and she wasn't looking away. She wasn't flinching. Her eyes were open and her teeth weren't sunken into her bottom lip threatening to make it bleed because she was forcing herself to let him touch her.

She was smiling, soft and slightly wary but it was a smile and…

"Father! Kate!"

They both jumped, eyes wide as their heads whipped around to face the door as it crashed open.

Castle rolled off of the bed as Kate reached for her gun, aiming it at the open doorway, the morning light streaming in towards them.

"Alexis? What's happening?" Castle called when he saw his daughter's form filling the doorway, a glowing halo of morning light spilling in around her.

"You won't believe it!" Alexis yelled as she rushed around the side of the bed, her chest heaving, cheeks pink. She lifted up on her toes to kiss her father on the cheek, the smile never falling from her face as she rocked back onto her heels and plopped down at the foot of the bed. Her hands held up a large printed advertisement, fluttering the paper between her father and step-mother so quickly that neither of them could properly read it.

"Won't believe what?" Kate questioned calmly as her revolver clattered back to the nightstand and she used her arms to scoot herself up so that she was leaning against the headboard of the bed, the patchwork blanket tucked lovingly around her round belly.

"The circus!" Alexis continued, bouncing a couple times on the bed, a move reminiscent of her childhood days. "It's coming to town. It will be here within the week! Isn't it exciting?"

Castle couldn't help the smile that formed across his face. His daughter's excitement was infectious, but his own budding enthusiasm faltered as his gaze flickered to his wife and he saw the forced smile gracing her features. The smile that seemed real enough to Alexis but that he could tell was faked.

Her eyes met his and her voice was as forced as her smile as she rubbed a hand over her belly and responded to Alexis' question. "Yes, Alexis. That's great."

* * *

"I don't want to talk about it," Kate huffed as she settled into the chair behind the desk in his cramped office. She pulled the hat off of her head, placing it down on the table in front of her, arranging it again; moving it with her fingertips. Her attention focused firmly on the action.

Castle pinned her with a stare. Halting his methodical placement of the small metal pieces in their slots as he set up the printing press. He and Port had finally set up the newspaper, _The Colorado Springs Chronicle_, and had purchased a storefront a couple of spaces down from the saloon, as their office. At least, it had been their office before he and Gina had decided to head back to New York, to both escape the harsh conditions of Colorado Springs in the winter and so that Port could properly ask for Mr. Cowell's permission to wed his daughter. This had left Castle in charge of the paper: a task almost too daunting for one man. Luckily, deadlines for print were more relaxed in Colorado, meaning that the paper came out when he felt there was a need for it, and he had Kate to help him; when she felt like it.

The past few months had been difficult for the couple. At times Castle had resented it; the tension, the pain, nightmares and fights. Other times he was grateful for them. They knew more about each other now. They would yell and scream and cry but they would always end up wrapped in each other's arms, whispering that they loved each other and that they were sorry. It may be hours or days between the fight and the make up but it would inevitably happen and they would still be together, supporting one another.

The teasing banter was slowly returning. He could see it more and more every week, that light in her eyes. His own weariness was starting to fade.

She looked up at him with an innocent expression and he shook his head back at her. There was a story there.

"Come on, Beckett, you have to tell me. All the sordid details," he wiped his hands on his apron and walked around the monstrosity of a machine until he was standing across the desk from where she was seated. His hands braced on the hard wood surface and he leaned over until he was dangerously close to her personal space. "Did you have a torrid affair with a ring master? Did you dream of becoming a juggler and drop the ball? What happened? What _is_ the story?"

Her eyes flickered up to his and he saw the flash of red creeping up her neck. He smiled. _So, there was a story._

She mumbled something under her breath as she looked away, hiding her mouth behind her hand and he startled. She couldn't have possibly said what he thought she said.

"What was that?"

She mumbled again and his brow furrowed.

_No…_

"I'm sorry, I still didn't understand…"

"I don't like clowns!" She yelled as her head whipped back around, a fire of embarrassment burning in her eyes.

He closed his eyes, lips pressed together as he tried to hold in the laugh that was bubbling up in his chest, and slowly wheezing out through the corners of his mouth. He could do it… he could hold it in.

She let out a growl and he burst out laughing, his chest heaving as he backed up into the printing press, the small of his back resting against the side of the large machine.

"Castle," she growled again and he opened his eyes in time to see her rounding the desk, one hand pressed against her back, the other pointing at him.

"I'm sorry," he wheezed as he attempted to control himself, another small snort of laughter following his apology.

She poked him in the chest, the end of her finger digging into his muscle as he pressed his lips together again, his eyes dancing in response to the look of pure fury staring up at him. "Don't you dare laugh at me Richard Castle, they are sinister creatures. I have a right to be wary of them."

He leaned down to kiss her on the cheek, humming in response as her hand came up to swat at his chest.

"Of course you do."

She let out another snort as she returned back to her chair, settling back down into it as Castle turned to the press. He glanced over his shoulder after a moment. He could see her glaring at him with her arms crossed over her chest. Her lips twitched up into a ghost of a smile before she schooled her features once more.

"Would you like to help me?" he asked, and couldn't help but smile at the 'humph' he received in reply.

Yes, today was a good day in Colorado Springs.

* * *

She was happy. She was nine months pregnant. Her back hurt, her feet were swollen. Some mornings she couldn't get out of bed by herself but she was happy.

That morning, something had changed. She had felt his hand gliding up her side, whispering along her skin. She had felt his fingers as they worked gently through the tangles in her hair and it had taken everything in her not to melt into his touch. For the first time since that day with Stevenson, her husband had touched her and there had been no doubt in her mind that it was him. She had known it was Castle from the first moment she felt his fingers. She hadn't withdrawn. She hadn't flinched. She hadn't wanted to. And hours later, it still amazed her; how he had played with the baby, how he had loved on her when he had thought she was asleep. Reveling in the thought of her, of them, there with him.

"What do you think?"

Kate's head snapped up, her eyes focusing on the single page of news that her husband was holding up in front of her.

_Step Right Up, The Circus is Coming to Town!_

A small smile flickered over her lips as her gaze traveled up to his questioning eyes.

"It looks good, Castle," she responded through her smile, as it grew with the level of excitement shining back at her from his eyes. "It looks really nice."

The page came fluttering down to the desk as he whipped back around to place another sheet in the press, methodically working his way through the stack of blank pages until every copy was printed. She watched him until a motion outside the window caught her eye and her attention was drawn to the parade of large wagons making their way down Main Street. An elephant lumbered past and Castle practically bolted for the door as Kate pushed herself out of the chair to follow.

The town's people were gathering along the long wooden porches as the procession came to a halt in the middle of the town. Kate's eyes flickered down the row and she saw her father leaning against the doorway of the saloon, a rag held in his hand, lazily polishing a glass. She shook her head, some things never changed. Esposito nodded to her from across the way as he stepped slowly down the steps of the jailhouse, his hands placed firmly around his belt, one on either side of his belt buckle. He spat out a glob of chewing tobacco and Kate crinkled her nose. It was a habit she never understood.

Castle grabbed her hand as he bounced a couple of times on the balls of his feet and she sighed in response as he looked over at her with excited, questioning eyes and she nodded her assent.

They could go down and greet the circus folk.

"All bets are off if there are clowns, though. If one of them comes near me, I will shoot," she grumbled and he chuckled softly in her ear.

They cut through the line of carts and a snarl came from a cage beside them. Castle jumped slightly and it was Kate's turn to chuckle, her hand tightening around his in a brief squeeze as Alexis came running up to them.

The girl puffed out a breath as she slowed to a walk, her hands quickly adjusting her hair and dress as she fell into step next to them.

"Have you met them yet? What are they like? Did you see the elephant? Is that a tiger?" Alexis rambled as they approached the lead wagon and a fair skinned, sandy-haired man swung down from the seat, landing on the damp ground with a light thump in front of them.

He rolled his hat off of his head and down onto his shoulder, letting it glide down his arm before flipping it back onto his head in a flourish.

"That it certainly is, my dear girl!" he greeted, with a sly smile.

"Welcome, Colorado Springs," he continued, as he spun in a wide circle, his arms stretched out to his sides,. "To the wonderful, mysterious, illuminating world of the Alaster Circus. My name is William Sorenson and I will be your ringmaster."

The gathered group of people started to twitter, pointing to the various cages and circus folk who were disembarking from the caravan. Castle took a step forward, his hand outreached as Sorenson made his way back around to grasp it.

"Richard Castle. It's a pleasure to meet you Mr. Sorenson," Castle welcomed. "We are very excited to have your show visit our town."

Sorenson's grin grew as he nodded in response, his eyes drifting over to Kate and Alexis. "And who are these beautiful ladies?"

Castle drew his arm back, wrapping it around Kate's waist, drawing her a step further into him. Normally, she would be infuriated by the move, but her eyes narrowed at Sorenson as she took a step into Castle's side. There was something behind that look, a joke of some kind and she was wary of the impending punch line.

"This is my wife Kate and our daughter Alexis."

"Don't you mean _our_ daughter," a voice sounded suddenly and all three heads whipped around as a pale, slender wrist emerged from the wagon.

Sorenson took a step back to grasp it, as a shock of red hair emerged followed by familiar bright blue eyes.

"Hello Richard," the woman stated as she landed softly in the dirt and took a step towards the trio, her hand still grasped firmly in Sorenson's.

Kate's eyes grew wide as Castle let out a started cough and Alexis took in short gasp of a breath.

"Meredith!"

"Mother!"

Kate's hand moved down to grasp Castle's tighter and she shifted slightly as she ducked her head, letting her eyes roam up the woman's thinly shaped body, to her porcelain skin and perfectly quaffed hair. She was gorgeous and Kate was… she was nine months pregnant. Her eyes fell to her scuffed boots and the line of dirt caked under her fingernails. She was dirty.

"So, you're the wife?"

Kate's eyes snapped back up to see Meredith gracing her with a similar once-over in return.

"Kate Beckett," she stated, her voice much stronger than her confidence at the moment. "Sheriff Kate Beckett."

Meredith hummed in response, her arms crossed over her chest and her perfectly starched yellow dress, crafted of silk and imported lace. "Too bad you aren't actually married."

Kate froze. Her eyes went wide and she stared at the woman standing across from her. Slowly, she turned her head to look up at Rick, who was standing beside her with the same gob smacked expression on his face, before taking a step forward, her free hand clenched at her side.

"What do you mean we're not _actually_ married?"

"Well," Meredith began, waving a hand casually in the air, her attention turning from Kate to Castle. "It turns out that _Richard_ never actually signed the divorce paper, did you? So, technically, you two aren't married. We are."


	2. Chapter 2

Carnivale

A/N: Wow! It's amazing to see the love that you have for this little series of stories. Thank you so much for your excitement and enthusiasm, it truly is inspirational. I was literally grinning from ear to ear as I was reading the reviews for the last chapter. Seriously awesome. xoxo :)

As always, I love to hear what you think!

Disclaimer: I was eating microwave chicken tenders while writing this chapter. I'm pretty sure if I owned Castle I would have something a little more… just something else. (Edit: & by something else, I did not mean the peanut butter & marshmallow fluff sandwich I am eating now…)

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Chapter 2

She was sitting on the top step of the mostly finished log cabin when he arrived back at the homestead. There was a bottle of whiskey at the foot of the stairs and a smoldering cigarette dangling from her fingers; her arms resting on top of her knees, hands hanging in between. She was staring past the large oak where Sarah's grave rested, and across the small plain of yellow and brown grass to the trees in the distance. She hadn't shown any anger or pain when they had been standing in the middle of town. She hadn't said a word past polite conversation until she excused herself a few minutes later, after Meredith had pulled Alexis away and Sorenson had gone back to tending to his circus under Esposito's watchful eye. He had attempted to follow her then, but she had begged off, citing exhaustion and told him to go back and finish distributing the papers.

He should have followed. He should have said something because he could see now that the wall, that wall he had seen falter for an instant that morning, was back in place.

He sat down next to her grabbing the bottle of whisky as he did so. He noted, somewhat happily that the wax seal hadn't been broken.

"Shouldn't you be with your _wife_ right now?"

It was a low blow. Petty. He knew it and so did she but it didn't stop the words from tumbling out of her mouth.

"I _am_ with my wife," he responded softly, a slight bite to his words as he attempted to break the seal on the bottle.

Kate continued to stare into the distance as they fell back into silence. She hadn't yet broken eye contact with the horizon, even as she brought the cigarette up to her lips to take another drag. The cork popped out of the bottle and her head turned slightly as he brought it up to his lips for a swig. He placed the bottle back down at his feet and she continued to watch him out of the corner of her eye. Assessing him. Planning her next move. The yelling, the screaming. The soft, calculating statements. He was ready for them. He could take it.

Things were finally starting to get better, but now this. It was just one more thing to weigh on them, on her. The town had finally stopped talking, or at least, the whispers had gotten softer. The homestead was almost finished. They had been hoping to have it done before the baby arrived. Only one segment of the roof and the windows remained to be completed. The glass was due to arrive before the end of the week. The bassinet was polished; all traces of splinters were gone. Kate had been smiling more. He had even caught her singing to the baby upon occasion. Talking to it. They read a fairytale every night. His head snuggled down in the bed so that he was murmuring to her belly. She'd said the baby would stop moving, as if it was listening or being lulled to sleep by the sound of his voice.

"I sent the papers, you know, when I received them. Alexis was four, maybe five years old. Meredith had left me in the middle of the night. There was a note on the pillow stating that she couldn't do it anymore; she had to be free from us. I was so angry. She had left me alone with this little girl. I didn't know anything about raising a child. I had just finished university and was working long hours doing grunt work at the paper. I went to work, I provided for our family, like I was supposed to; like I was taught to do and then I had to be both mother and father to this little girl. I had to ask my mother to move in with us and pay for a nanny that we couldn't afford. So, the moment I received the papers I signed them and sent them back. I didn't even hesitate."

She opened her mouth and he braced himself for the dismissal, the growl telling him to get the hell away from her and her baby.

"What do you think happened?" she asked. Her voice was barely audible and his head snapped up when he heard the murmured question.

He ran his hand ran through his hair. "I don't know; it was during the war. Many letters were lost at the time. It may be in a pile somewhere, forgotten."

He let out a sigh. The sun was starting to set and the temperature had dropped significantly in the past few minutes while they had been sitting there.

"I wouldn't blame you, you know," her voice was soft again as she looked down at the dirt path below them, throwing the remaining end of the cigarette to the ground, and watching as the cool November breeze snuffed it out. "If you went back to her. She can give you things that I can't right now."

Castle nodded his head slightly. "You make a good point. That tiger is pretty amazing. I would take it over Bandit any day; the little scoundrel."

He had been hoping for a smile but when he looked over he was receiving a glare instead. He ducked his gaze to the path, watching the last flicker of light die from the cigarette butt.

He let out another sigh and reached an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into him in a sideways hug. His heart thumped and his gut clenched as she stiffened and he prayed that she wouldn't pull away. They had been so close.

She relaxed into him after a moment; her cheek nuzzled into his shoulder and he breathed back the nausea that had been rising. She wasn't pulling away this time. That was good. He could feel the tears stinging at his eyes.

Why was this happening? Why now, when they had been so close?

"What are we going to do?"

"What?" He asked, pulling back so that he could look at her, still not sure he heard correctly.

"I said, what are we going to do?" she restated, stronger. Her head tilted up so that she could look in his eyes. "I would like to be married to the father of my child before it is born. It's bad enough what they say about me, I don't want her to be labeled a bastard as well."

Her lips quirked into a half smile and he relaxed. It was slightly forced but he would take it.

"Well, I am going to telegram my lawyer back in New York. Hopefully he can expedite some new divorce papers. I can't see them getting here before the end of the month though."

"What if they don't get here in time? What if the circus is already gone?"

Castle sighed but his lips tilted slightly. "Well, in that case, how do you feel about polygamy?"

He deserved that glare.

Kate sighed, shaking her head, as she reached down and grasped his fingers in her own, holding them loosely in his lap. "Where's Alexis?"

"Meredith insisted on spending time with her, alone," Castle lamented as he pulled her into his chest again, relishing the feeling of having her against him. "I wish I, _we_, could be there with them. Alexis hasn't seen her mother since she was a baby."

"Alexis is strong. She'll be all right and if she's not at least you will be here for her when she returns home."

They sat there for another long moment, staring out into the prairie as the sun cast an orange glow over the earth, making it look like it was on fire. The rain was gone, all traces of clouds removed from the sky but the smell, the feeling was still present.

"Come on," Kate said after a moment, lifting her head from its resting place on his shoulder, tugging slightly on his hand. "It's getting cold out here, let's go inside."

"You're not making me sleep in the loft tonight?" Castle questioned, only half teasing, as he stood, holding out his hands so she could hoist herself off of the step.

"Not tonight," Kate replied as she reached back down to pick up her hat, which had been on the porch behind her. "If I am going to live in sin, I might as well do it properly. Besides, it's too cold outside. If you slept in the loft there would be no one to keep me warm."

"I'll keep you warm all right," Castle growled as he pulled her to him, hugging her gently. "I love you. Don't ever doubt that the person I want to be with is you."

Her head tilted up, a slight smile playing on her lips as she squinted at him in the glowing evening light. She pressed her lips to his softly and he couldn't help but smile into her mouth, leaning into her hungrily, his hand snaking up the back of her shirt. The tip of her tongue flicked at his lips gently and he parted them slightly allowing her room to explore, letting her set the pace. She was normally okay when she was in control, when she was allowed the lead.

"I've missed you," she whispered softly when she finally pulled back to look him in the eye. Her fingertips traced down his jaw line, over the week old scruff that had grown there, scratching her nails against it gently.

"I've missed you too." He replied, leaning down, silently asking permission to kiss her again, testing the boundaries of the fine line they were dancing.

He did gently, after she gave a slight nod of her head but he could feel her stuttered breath as she continued to pet the side of his face, her eyes pressed closed.

"I'll shave it if you want," he whispered again when he pulled back for the second time.

"No, no, it's good," she reassured as she gave him a wobbly smile, her eyes glistening. "It's different It makes you different."

He rested his forehead against hers as she continued to run her fingers down his face, sniffling slightly as she attempted to compose herself. He could hear the rest of her statement ringing in the air. _It makes you different from him._ Not for the first time in the last six months, he wished the bastard were still alive so that he could kill him himself.

"I love you," she whispered to him, her voice a cross between fierce and pleading and this time he was the one who was trying not to cry.

* * *

Alexis shifted in her seat as she looked at her mother sitting across the table of the café. It was a small place, quaint. Eustace had opened it a few months before, towards the end of summer. The tables were lined up outside at the edge of the porch that ran the length of Main Street. It was at the edge of town but it was perfect for Alexis: halfway between the schoolhouse and Lanie's small office. She liked to stop in for breakfast or afternoon tea from time to time, take a moment to relax and chat with the cook. When Daniel would make it into town, the café was where they would go if they weren't having dinner with her father and Kate. So, this was where she had brought her mother: her mother whom she hadn't seen in more than ten years.

She couldn't help but stare at the woman. Alexis had never looked like her father. With the red hair, she could say that she looked like her grandmother and that the fair skin and flaming locks had skipped a generation but looking at her mother now, she knew where it had come from.

"Well, this is quaint," Meredith stated as she looked around the café, her hands dusting off the wooden plank table.

"It doesn't look like much but the food is very good," Alexis defended quietly. "Eustace is an amazing cook."

Meredith let out a hum of acknowledgement as she critically eyed Eustace who was flitting about behind the stove, her hair wrapped in a length of fabric to keep it away from the food. She pursed her lips slightly before turning her attention back to her daughter. "It reminds me of a little café in Paris that I loved. I should take you there. You would love Europe. It is vastly _different _from Colorado and even New York. Elegant."

Alexis shifted in her seat, fidgeting slightly, before remembering her upbringing and forcing herself to sit still. She folded her hands daintily in her lap, with her back straight and chin up.

"And, speaking of elegant, look at you, my little girl all grown up and beautiful. Of course you would look so much better if you weren't wearing those awful clothes. I have some gorgeous lace from London in my trunk. I'll see about having it made into a dress for you, perhaps a shawl. Something to keep you warm in the winter time," Meredith smiled as she waved a hand at Alexis' outfit.

Alexis looked down at her dark green shirt and brown pants as her hands went up to pat at her simple braid self-consciously. Kate had had them made for her at Alexis' request. She was constantly running around town between her schooling and helping Lanie or riding out to the army camp to see Daniel, and the pants were so much easier. Besides, it was her best shirt. There were even little flowers and beading embroidered on the collar and cuffs.

She had also taken to carrying her knife strapped to her back, like she had the first time she had visited Colorado Springs over a year before. Kate wouldn't allow her to have a gun yet but she was okay with that. Her hand would still shake while holding the metal weapon and she needed more practice before she felt comfortable having one on her at all times. Kate had promised more lessons after the baby was born.

"I like this outfit," Alexis voiced, her chin jutting up in defiance as she looked at Meredith. "Kate had it made for me."

Meredith clucked her tongue. "Of course she did. Honestly, I don't know what your father sees in that woman. Maybe it's a good thing that their so-called marriage is void. It will give him a second chance to think about his options."

Alexis could feel her hackles rising. How dare she? Who was this woman to come into her life and make judgments?

She ducked her head, taking in a deep, calming breath, as Eustace came over and placed two bowls of stew on the table in front of them and a biscuit on the table next to each setting.

Eustace hesitated for a moment, glancing over at Alexis in question before heading back to the kitchen at the girl's reassuring nod. She was okay. She could handle this by herself.

"Kate's a good woman. She's taken me in as her own," Alexis defended quietly, causing Meredith to look up from her meal, startled.

"Oh, don't misunderstand," she recanted hastily. "I'm sure _Kate_ is a fine woman. I'm just not sure if she is the _type_ of woman your father should marry. Your father is going to be a famous man some day with his writing. How would this Kate fair with the social obligations that come along with that role. I couldn't see her sitting at a table dining with the President of the United States, now, could you?"

Alexis ducked her head again, shaking it slightly as her spoon clattered against the edge of her bowl. She really couldn't see Kate anyplace other than Colorado Springs. That is why they were out here because it was where she belonged.

"No, but…"

"No, no, enough of this," Meredith interrupted. "This is not why I wanted to have supper with you. I wanted to learn about your life, my beautiful daughter. So, tell me all about you. I want to know what I have missed. Everything."

Alexis looked up at the glowing, happy eyes of the woman sitting across from her. Yes, this was the woman who had abandoned her years before, but she seemed nice enough. Willing to listen about her life. No, she may not be perfect, but she wasn't moaning in her sleep because of nightmares and she wasn't crying in the middle of the night when she thought no one was awake listening. Maybe it would be worth it to give her a chance, to let her listen and to listen in return. Maybe it would be nice to be the center of one of her parent's attention once again.


	3. Chapter 3

Carnivale 

A/N: I apologize for the delay. Occasionally life does get in the way. Here is some more angsty build up for you... don't you worry, the fun is about to get started. ;)

Chapter 3

The sun had set by the time Alexis made it back to the homestead that night. The light from a lantern flickered through the slats of the barn door and she figured that Jim was in there tending to the horses. She walked up the path to the small cabin, one hand holding up her skirt while the other held her own lantern out in front of her. She passed by the partially finished large house and let out a sigh. She couldn't wait to have it finished. Then she and Daniel could get married and move into the small house while her father, Kate and the baby moved into the larger one with Jim and Eustace.

Her heavy boots clomped up the steps and she paused before pushing on the heavy wood door. She needed to talk to her father about this— about her mother. She needed to tell him how she was feeling about Kate. They had always been able to talk about everything. She could talk to him about this. Alexis sucked in a deep breath before pushing open the door and stepping inside.

The room was dark and she froze in the doorway, her small lantern casting a glow in the small space as she caught sight of Kate curled up in the bed, asleep, a small rolled blanket stuffed under her belly. Her father wasn't next to her.

Her eyes shifted over when she heard a sniffle from the far corner and they landed on the man sitting in the rocking chair, trails of tears spilling down his cheeks as he stared at the woman on the bed.

"Father?" The word was soft but Castle still jumped, startled, as he turned to look at her, wiping his hands frantically over his face.

"Alexis! How was dinner with your mother?" Castle whispered as he pushed himself out of the chair and made his way over to her side, a forced smile on his lips, acting like he didn't have a care in the world.

Alexis drew in a breath, readying herself to start her speech as Castle's eyes flickered back over to Kate, who was still asleep, her fists curled up under her chin. His brow furrowed, his façade slipping, and Alexis deflated.

"It was fine. How is Kate?"

Castle looked back at her with a hum, like he was surprised she was there. "Oh, she's… we had some trouble today but she's okay. Better than yesterday, not as good as tomorrow."

His eyes scanned his daughter's face, taking in the resigned look in her eyes. "Was there something you wanted to talk to me about, pumpkin?"

"No," Alexis murmured with a forced flicker of her lips as she sank down onto her cot and placed the lantern on the floor.

Castle nodded slightly as he watched her lean over to unlace her boots. "You know you can talk to me about anything, right?"

Alexis lifted her head to give him a small smile. "I know Father."

Alexis leaned over again to unlace her other boot as Castle opened began to say something more, but his words cut off as Kate let out a whimper and started to flail in the bed, agitated.

His eyes flickered over to his daughter and she nodded at him with a small sigh. "Go. It's fine. I just want to go to sleep."

Castle gave a swift nod before hurrying over to the larger bed, taking a moment to snuggle under the blanket before reaching out and wrapping his arms around the woman he wanted to call his wife.

Alexis watched as Kate settled, falling back into a dreamless sleep, before rolling over and settling in to stare at the bare wood wall. She could hear her father whispering into Kate's hair, soothing words like he used to do for her, when she was a little girl and would wake up from a nightmare. She squeezed her eyes shut and willed herself to sleep.

* * *

The sun was high in the sky when the train arrived the next day and Castle shifted nervously on the platform, his hands wringing in front of him as the engine let out a belch of smoke and the whistle blew. He watched as people began to poor from the cars and glanced around for the familiar figure.

"Richard!"

Castle turned his head to the sound of his name and a wide smile spread across his face as he took in the sight of his mother, in full formal New York wear, teetering down the steps to the platform with the help of the conductor. Her ornate hat, an array of brightly died feathers and ribbons woven through it, bobbed up and down as she made her way towards him.

"Mother," he greeted as she pulled him down for a hug.

Martha took a step back as she broke the embrace and glanced at him up and down with a small 'tsk', taking in his leather vest and plain white button down shirt under his long duster. "Well, look at you, my boy. You have definitely embraced the Colorado lifestyle."

Her hand came up to pat his scruff-covered cheek and he couldn't help but smile at her obvious disapproval.

"It is great to see you too, Mother," he responded.

Another figure hurried towards them and Castle's eyes widened. "What is she doing here?"

Martha turned to look over her shoulder, before turning back to her son with a shrug. "I thought she would be helpful for Kate and the baby so I asked her to come along. Really Richard getting that poor girl pregnant out of wedlock, I thought I had taught you better than that..."

Martha prattled on, Castle nodding slightly as his attention turned to the woman giving orders to the men stacking the chests on the edge of the platform. He shook his head, heaving an internal sigh as he turned his attention back to his mother. Kate was not going to be happy about taking orders from Rebecca.

"Well, this town definitely is dusty isn't it? I guess it is a good thing that I brought my walking boots," Martha continued as she wove her arm through her son's and allowed him to lead her out of the small train station and into the heart of Colorado Springs. "I had Rebecca pack my furs too, I thought they might come in handy with winter coming and all. I don't know how long I will be staying. How is Alexis doing, my little darling, is she adjusting to life out here well? And Kate's father, I look forward to meeting him as well."

"Alexis is doing fine, Mother. She loves it out here. Her schooling is going well and she is still speaking of college. Mister Beckett is looking forward to meeting you as well, he was just telling me the other day. We reserved you a room at the hotel until the house is finished, it shouldn't be long now. I'm sure we can get another room for Rebecca as well. Honestly, Mother, I am not sure how kindly Kate is going to take to her being here."

"Kate will be grateful for all the help, rest assured. Being a new mother is not easy without help."

"I can help."

Martha pegged her son with an indulgent look. "Let the women do their work, darling."

Castle let out a long suffering sigh as he hung his head and turned them towards the hotel. It was going to be a long winter.

Kate sank in the rocking chair in the middle of the large cabin as she watched her father sand down a jagged corner of wood. She could feel the baby fluttering in her belly, rolling around. It had the hiccups earlier. They had awoken her in the flood of morning light. Castle was already gone for the day, in town to take care of some business before his mother arrived.

Martha.

Kate still wasn't sure what to think of the older woman. She was, what some would describe as, a character. She was a strong woman, no doubt. Widowed but still able to raise a son, a good son, on her own in a city like New York. She had a certain level of respect for the woman but at the same time her exuberant nature could be overwhelming.

She had lain in bed that moment, alone. Processing the events of the day before, trying to process the events of the last nine months. There had been so much: the cave, Sarah, Castle, the baby, the Stevenson's', Bryant. Sometimes she would close her eyes and will it all not to happen. What would have happened if she had never followed Castle to New York? She would never have met Amanda Stevenson, she never would have been journeying out to the reservation alone, none of this would had happened.

If only…

_Castle would be married to Gina. _The voice in her head rationalized. _He wouldn't be here with you now. Alexis would be married to Ashley… Laura would be dead. There would be no baby._

Kate felt a foot press against her, small toes appearing through her flesh. She couldn't help but smile. Sometimes it was almost enough…

Jim glanced up at her and paused, his arm coming up to rest on his bent leg as he continued to stare at her. A small reminiscent smile flickered across his lips.

"What?" Kate questioned, cocking her head to the side shyly.

"Some days I am simply amazed at how much you look like your mother," he answered quietly.

Kate beamed back at him, briefly pulled from her spiral of thoughts. "Really? I don't remember ever looking like her."

Jim pushed himself off of the ground, walking over to her as he shook his head. "It's not just one thing, Katie. It's the confidence you have about yourself, the flicker of green in your eyes."

He pulled a small chest up to face the chair and settled on to it. One hand reached out to grasp his daughter's, his thumb running over the simple ring on her forth finger- the one that had been her mother's before hers. "When she was pregnant with you, she would sit in a rocking chair just like this and watch me work. We were building this house for the first time and I had no idea what I was doing. It took me months longer than it should have to finish but she would just sit there quietly and watch me. Not that she was quiet, by any means. Your mother had opinions about everything and was not shy about expressing them. Another trait you share."

Kate let out a 'humph' of indignation at her father's sly, teasing look but he continued, unfazed. "But she would be quiet because she was memorized by you. She would always have a hand on her belly, like you do right now, and she would play with you, trailing a finger along her skin, tickling your foot, grasping at your tiny fingers when they would stick out. She loved you so much before you were even born. I'm amazed she even let anyone else hold you."

"Castle does the same thing," Kate whispered as tears pooled in her eyes as her thoughts began to spiral again. "Plays with the baby but I… he can't even touch me without my flinching, Papa. What's wrong with me?"

"Katie…"

"I love him and I want to let him love me and I'm broken Papa. Maybe…" Her voice trailed off as her voice hitched. "Maybe he's better off without me. Maybe once the baby is born I should just go. He would be able to take care of her."

"Katie that man loves you, no matter what."

A tear rolled down Kate's cheek as she forced her gaze over to meet her father's. Her father who was looking at her with an anxious expression, his brow furrowed, his jaw set. He knew the words that would spill from her lips next.

They came out in a whisper of breath, barely there for him to hear and she could feel her own heart break as they did because as much as she wanted them to not be true, they were. It was for the best. "Maybe he shouldn't."

* * *

Castle looked up startled when he heard the knock on the door. He wandered over as he wiped his hands on his apron, removing the smudges of ink as best he could. The door sung open and he couldn't help but raise an eyebrow in surprise at the sight of his visitor.

"Jim! To what do I owe this pleasure?"

As friendly as they were with each other, Jim and Rick normally weren't ones to speak off the homestead and even when they were working side by side, Jim Beckett mostly kept to himself. Working along silently, lost in his own thoughts.

Jim heaved in a sigh as he took in the smiling face of the younger man in front of him. Castle poked his head out the door briefly, after his visitor crossed over the threshold, looking for Kate to come around the corner, smiling in greeting. When she didn't appear he turned to the older man in concern. "Is Kate alright, did she go into labor?"

"No son, no sign of the baby yet. Kate is at home, taking a nap."

"Ah, well, alright then." Castle continued as he walked back over to the printing press, gesturing for Jim to have a seat at the desk. "My mother is looking forward to meeting you tonight. I dropped her at the hotel for a nap, as well. She brought Rebecca along with her to help with Kate and the baby. Kate is not going to be happy about that but in the long run it might be a good thing, give us the chance to have some time to ourselves. I know she won't want to leave the baby once it is born but some time away from the town might do us good. She was so happy when we visited Denver earlier in the year, like a weight had been lifted off of her."

Jim sank into the chair, taking in a deep breath as he heard his son-in-law rattle on excitedly over the future, completely unaware of the traumatic ideas swirling around in Kate's head.

Rick, I do need to talk to you about Kate," he finally interrupted when he found his voice again.

Castle turned to him, his smile falling as he took in the older man's serious expression. "What's wrong, Jim. You said everything was fine."

Jim shook his head. "It's not fine, son. Katie is…"

The sentence died on his lips, as he swallowed the lump in his throat, barely able to look at the other man. "Katie is thinking about leaving once the baby is born. She thinks it would be better for you."

Castle shook his head in disbelief as the world began to spin. He sank back to lean against the press a hand pressed to his head, gripping at his hair. "She wouldn't. She loves me."

Jim let out a sigh as he pushed himself from the chair. "I think that's why, Rick, because she loves you. She thinks you deserve better than her. We both know that's not true but you have to convince her."

He clapped a hand down on Castle's shoulder briefly before turning back towards the door. "Please, Rick. I already lost my wife. I can't loose my daughter, too. Not again."


	4. Chapter 4

Carnivale

A/N: Thank you to my Beta Deb- you are awesome. Welcome to all of you new readers, glad to have you here. As always thank you for all of your reviews and feedback. As a writer it is great to hear what you think & that you are still enjoying these stories :)

* * *

Chapter 4

Kate moaned slightly as she swam back into consciousness, the world tilting slightly around her. She groaned again as her reason for waking became apparent. _I wonder if they will ever create a way to have an outhouse inside_. She considered briefly in the second before her eyes blinked open into the bright afternoon light. She propped herself up on her elbows, in an attempt to leverage herself out of bed and she drew in a sharp breath when she saw Castle sitting in the chair in the corner staring at her.

"Son of a bitch, Rick," she exclaimed as she caught sight of him. "What are you doing? Are you trying to scare the baby out of me?"

She swung her legs out of bed, grumbling slightly as she used her elbows to push off of the mattress and onto solid ground. She used one hand to swipe her long braid back over her shoulder, so it swung down her back as she trudged towards the door, her movement halting when she glanced over at Castle and found him still staring at her, his elbows resting on his knees and fingers steepled over his mouth.

"Rick? What's wrong? Is everything okay with your mother, did she make it to town alright?" Kate questioned, her brow creasing as she took a hesitant step towards him.

His eyes flickered up to her before swiveling back down to the discolored swirl on the wooden floorboard. "Your father came to see me today."

Kate's eyes widened as he pushed out of the chair and came to stand in front of her. "Why, Kate, why would you even _think _about leaving, after everything we've been through together?"

"Castle, I…"

"Do you think I don't love you? Do you think I'm not willing to wait for you, to be here for you?" She could hear the pain spilling from his voice, could see the anguish in his eyes and it made her gut twist as her heart began to pound in her chest.

"Rick…"

"No. No! You do not get to make decisions like that by yourself. You don't get to say that _I _would be better off without _you _because you are the most remarkable, maddening, challenging, frustrating person I've ever met and I love you. So, you are not allowed to leave."

He brushed past her, the door slamming shut, blocking out the late afternoon light and cutting off the cool burst of fall air, leaving her standing in the middle of the small cabin. The silence was deafening.

* * *

"Hello Beau," Alexis greeted as she made her way into the barn on the Millers' farm. "How are you?"

"I'm doing well. The farm is thriving. Laura is up in the loft, I assume you're here to see her," Beau responded a large grin crossing his face as he shoveled some more hay into one of the stalls. How are you Alexis?

"I'm doing well, thank you," a sly smile crossed Alexis' face as she continued to watch the practically glowing young man. "That smile permanently pasted to your face wouldn't have anything to do with why Laura has been spending so much time out here would it? The entire town is whispering about it, Beau. How Laura has been on the farm practically every day since she got acquitted, since the cattle drive. Tell me it isn't true."

"I, uh," Beau stuttered as he shoved the pitchfork into the mound of hay.

"Mmhmm. That is what I thought. Don't even try to deny it Beau Miller," Alexis teased as she walked towards the ladder leading to the loft.

"I can go up and get her for you!" Beau called as she grabbed onto a wrung and hoisted herself onto the ladder leading to the loft.

Alexis paused, looking back over her shoulder at the slightly frantic tone his voice had taken on, an eyebrow raising slightly. "I'm a big girl Beau, I can climb a ladder myself."

Beau let out a strangled squeak in protest but let out a resigned sigh as Alexis climbed steadily higher.

Alexis couldn't deny that Laura had been a little bit more distant since she had been acquitted of killing her father all those months before but in a way so had Alexis. She had been seeing Daniel much more frequently than her friend and when rumors about Laura and Beau had begun to fly around town; Alexis hadn't had any trouble believing they were true. After all, they had spent all that time alone together on the cattle drive; well, except for Oliva. It wasn't like Olivia was any competition, her being Beau's sister and all. Alexis also knew that Laura and Olivia had grown close through their mutual love of animals and drive for women's rights. They were both independent souls and somehow that had drawn them together into a unique form of friendship. Alexis couldn't deny the bond between the two when she saw them together at the schoolhouse or around town. At first she had been jealous of the way that the two girls had gotten so close so fast, but now she was grateful for it. Laura didn't have any real family left, so she needed all the friends she could get. Besides if she was getting a beau out of it as well, then all the better.

Alexis paused to dust off her skirt, as she stepped onto the platform of the loft. She needed to talk to someone about Meredith and, even though they had drifted apart in the last few months, she knew Laura would be there for her.

"Laura?" She called as she adjusted her skirt, letting out a huff as she plucked an errant strand of straw off of her skirt.

She heard a giggle from behind a stack of hay and edged around the side of loft, holding onto the wooden rail as she walked the narrow path around the tall mounds of hay.

"Laura," she called out again as she turned the last corner.

Alexis froze, her eyes growing wide as she took in the sight in front of her. The sight of her friend lying in the hay, her hand up Olivia's dress, their mouths fused together.

"Oh my God!" Alexis let out a yelp as she backed away from the sight, a hand pressed to her forehead as her jaw hung slackened.

Laura froze, her head turning to her friend before she scrambled up, fruitlessly attempting to brush the stiff strands of hay from her braid. "Alexis, I, uh, I can explain."

Alexis' eyes scrolled from Laura's flushed face to Olivia who was scrambling to stand, adjusting her dress and hair as she pushed herself out of the hay.

She took another step back.

"Alexis, I…" Laura started again as she took a step forward her hand reaching out towards her friend.

"No," Alexis whispered, the words coming out as a growl. "You stay away from me."

"Alexis, wait," the freckle-faced girl called as Alexis turned to hurry back through the loft, Laura chasing after her.

Alexis whirled around as she reached the top of the ladder. "I never want to see you again. You're an abomination. Stay away from me or I swear I will tell Preacher Miller."

Laura paled as she stared at Alexis, Olivia hurrying up behind her.

"Alexis, no, you can't tell my father, he won't understand, no one will," Olivia pleaded as Alexis swung her legs down to the first wrung.

"Just stay away from me," Alexis growled out before pausing and looking back at her former best friend. "I defended you, I came to see you every day that you were in prison but in the end you are just as sick and twisted as your father."

* * *

Kate rubbed her lower back as she sat on the rock staring out over the cool blue water rippling in the creek. She had been getting twinges of pain all day but they had only been getting steadily worse since her fight with Rick. A single tear trailed down her cheek as she thought about it. She lifted her other hand from where it rested on her belly to brush it off as she sniffled back a sob. Everything was a twisted mess. Sometimes it seemed like everything she did was wrong. She had only been trying to protect him, to make it easier on him. He could do it on his own, they both knew that already and yes, he did love her, but it had only been a year. He couldn't love her that deeply already. She had gotten pregnant, that's why he had married her. He would have changed his mind about proposing if she hadn't. After everything with Stevenson, he would have left if it weren't for the baby. He just didn't understand that yet.

She had seen Ryan, Jenny and their baby- six months old, little Timothy. They were perfect. Ryan and Jenny had been the ideal couple since they had been children. They had courted for years, never moving beyond holding hands and a peck on the cheek. Jenny was the model woman: kind, dainty, and demure. Everything a man wanted in a wife. Everything Kate was not. She had been kidding herself thinking that this could possibly be right.

Castle just couldn't see that now, but he would; he would understand, after she was gone he would see that it was for the best.

She pushed herself off of the rock with a reaffirming nod. That is what would happen. The breeze picked up, the November cold cutting through her thin cotton shirt. She would have to start wearing thicker clothing. She could already tell that it was going to be a cold winter, but not as bad as the year before. Hopefully there would be no storms. She drew her coat tightly around her, cutting off the flow of air. She would have to remember to commission a couple more blankets from the knitting circle. The baby would need them.

A small smile crossed her face as she trudged back up the hill, away from the bank and clomped through the woods. A hand braced against her back, rubbing it as she felt another twinge of pain. They had found some very cute toys in a wood shop in Denver when they had visited a few months before. A little horse on wheels, with a white star on its forehead- just like Whisper, and a little train. Rick had bought a pile of dresses, pants and coats. This baby, their baby, would have everything it ever wanted.

_Everything except a mother._ The voice in her head taunted.

Tears welled up in her eyes again and she pressed her hand against her back again as the pain grew. She paused to lean back against a tree, the anxiety rising in her chest.

God help her she wanted to see it. She wanted to be there. Maybe it made her selfish, maybe she would hurt them more than she would help but she couldn't make herself stop wanting it.

She could imagine Rick holding the baby in his arms, cradling it to his chest as he told stories: spinning wild tales about dragons, knights and princesses. Telling the story about how they met and she wanted to be there listening as she watched them rock in the corner. She wanted to hear the stories too.

She couldn't do it; she couldn't leave.

She had to tell him that. She had to tell him she couldn't leave even if it was the right thing for her to do. She took a step forward and winced as the pain grew, cut through her abdomen and she doubled over a scream of pain echoing out of her into the empty forest.

Oh, God, not now.


	5. Chapter 5

Carnivale

A/N: I apologize for the serious delay of this chapter. Writer's block is a fickle thing. Thank you so much for your patience and I hope I did it justice.

* * *

Chapter 5

Castle scraped a hand through his hair as he marched down Main Street, his other fist gripping his hat at his side. He had tried to work on the next edition of the paper but his mind had kept running in circles as he grumbled to himself in the office, too jittery for the tedious work of placing the tiny metal pegs into the proper positions.

How could she even _think_ about leaving? Leaving him, leaving the baby? _No, _it was _not _okay. It was unacceptable. He let out a growl as he rubbed his palm over his face and back up to scratch a little too hard against his scalp; his blunt finger nails digging into his flesh. He caught sight of the dirt caked under his nails as he dropped his hand and brought it back up to study in front of his face as he paused in the middle of the road. His nails hadn't been clean, let alone buffed since he had left New York all those months before. His clothes hadn't been properly pressed. He hadn't had the luxury of a hot bath.

"Damn it," he mumbled as he clenched his hand into a fist and made a sharp turn to his right.

"Castle!"

Castle let out a sigh as he pivots to see Lanie approaching from behind him. "Hey Lanie."

"What's wrong with you? I've been calling and you were just frozen there in the middle of the street."

Castle shook his head. "Nothing. What do you need, Ms. Parish?"

Lanie cocked an eyebrow at his abrupt tone, her arms crossing over her chest. "I'm looking for Kate. She was supposed to come see me today so I could check on the baby but she never showed up."

Castle let out a cynical laugh, turning to walk away. "Why would I know where she is?"

"Castle!" Lanie called again, clearly not amused by his dismissal.

Rick sighed and turned his head slightly. "She's probably back at the homestead. She was saying her back hurt and she wanted to rest."

He could feel her eyes on his back as he continued on towards the saloon, never turning back.

* * *

Alexis swiped a hand across her cheek as she ran across the field of short brown grass back towards the homestead. A chill had entered the air as the sun began to set but she didn't care. She brought a hand up to run down her arm, rubbing her skin in a futile attempt to warm it.

She didn't even want to think about it: Laura, Olivia, and Oh God… No no no no. Not with everything else that was happening. Her mother. Kate. Her father. Daniel was away on patrol. He wouldn't be back for weeks. She had just wanted to talk to her friend and she had walked into _that._

She swiped at her cheek again, brushing away the rapidly cooling trickle of tears. She needed her father. She had to talk to her father.

* * *

Kate whimpered as she leaned back against the tree, her head resting against the rough bark. She bit back a scream as the pain shot through her once more, panting as the pain started to subside. She pushed herself up off the ground and took another shaking step towards the homestead. At least her water hadn't broke yet.

"Come on baby," she mumbled as she stumbled forward. "Just a few minutes longer, please. Please."

She lifted her leg to step over a fallen tree and let out another moan of pain, doubling over as her muscled clenched again and she forced herself not to push.

* * *

"Oh, excuse me, dear."

Lanie turned her head to see an older woman waltzing towards her, a feathered hat adorning her head atop a shock of bright red hair. "Yes, ma'am?"

"Are you Ms. Parish?"

Lanie's eyes darted from the red head to the familiar woman walking up behind her. Recognition dawning on her for the women she had never met. "You must be Rick's mother. It is a pleasure to meet you ma'am."

Lanie nodded her head to the woman in front of her before leaning around to nod at Rebecca as well. "Rebecca you are looking well. Welcome back to Colorado Springs."

Rebecca responded with a slight 'humph' and Lanie bit back a grin. It was no secret how Rebecca felt about Colorado, especially after Castle had spoke of her reaction when he had stated that he and Alexis would be moving out west so he could wed Kate. The nanny had firmly planted her foot, stating that she would go nowhere near 'that unbearable dust bowl' ever again and that she would stay on as an aid to Mrs. Rogers instead.

Now, she was back.

"Oh the pleasure is all mine darling, Kate talked about you when she visited us in New York. She said you were a dear friend. I was either looking for her or my son, you wouldn't happen to know where they headed off too, would you?" Martha stated with a wave of her hand and a bright smile.

Lanie's eyes darted towards the saloon. She had been planning on snaking the story of whatever was going on with Rick out of Kate when she arrived at the homestead but she sighed as she debated her options. Chances are the irritable pregnant woman would be better than the drunken other half at the moment.

Her lips flickered up in a weak smile, motioning at the buggy she had just finished stocking. "I was about to head out to the homestead to see Kate. You are more than welcome to come with me."

Rebecca let out a pained groan as Martha eyed the buggy with a hesitant smile.

* * *

Alexis let out a groan as she slumped down on the front step of the small cabin. No one was home. Her father wasn't there. Not that he was every around any more when she needed him. Daniel was out on patrol with his unit. He would not be back for a couple more weeks and her father was who knows where probably getting ready for the baby. _The baby._ Everything had been about the baby lately. The baby and Kate.

She was being petty. She knew she was being petty. She should be happy about having a little brother or sister. She should be glad her father had met someone that made him happy. _But he's not really happy is he?_

Alexis let out another sigh as her mind began to race. Kate was complicated. _That's what he likes about her._ Why couldn't she be complicated _and_ happy? _She is happy._ Was she? Was she happy? Was he? Wouldn't he be happier with someone less complicated? Everything was so complicated.

Alexis ran a hand through her curtain of hair as she looked around the open land of the homestead, her elbows resting on her knees. It had seemed open, so free when they had come out here a year ago. All the open land and free-spirited people. Now it was suffocating. Too many things had gone wrong. They had thought her father had died. Kate had been held prisoner, tortured and yet they stayed. They could be back in New York where things were easier, where people knew their place, how to act.

Alexis looked towards town.

_He's still married to your mother._

Her father was still married to her mother. Meredith wouldn't want the frontier life. She would want the glitz and glamour of New York City. They could move back, together. They could have an easy life, a good life.

She played with the frayed ends of her hair. She hadn't had a proper haircut in months. Her teeth chewed thoughtfully on her lower lip. She could feel the anger rising inside of her.

If Kate hadn't come to New York then she and Laura would never have followed her out here. Laura wouldn't have met Olivia and she would still be normal— in New York, married to one of the suitors her mother had arranged for her.

_That's not true._

Alexis closed her eyes, attempting to ignore the voice in her head. _Traitor._

No. No! She was not going to do this. She wasn't going to debate this with herself. Alexis pushed herself up off the step and strode purposefully towards town. She knew what she had to do.

* * *

Castle heaved a relieved sigh when Jim Beckett took one look at him and motioned for him to sit down on one of the stools at the counter, placing a bottle of Scotch and a glass down in the top in front of him.

"You want to talk about it?"

"No."

Jim poured a hefty splash of Scotch into the glass and nudged it with his finger towards his son in law, in spirit of not in the eye of the law as of yet. He watched the younger man for a few moments, as he sipped at the amber fluid, swirling it in the glass as he stared off into space.

"When Katie was five she was afraid of the dark."

Castle's eyes drifted up to look at Jim as the older man started talking.

"Not that she would admit to it, of course. She's always been stubborn like that. One day I awoke early and Katie wasn't in her bed. I panicked and ran outside to look for her only to trip over her as she slept on the front step and almost took a tumble down the stairs."

Castle let out a snort of laughter as Jim chuckled at the memory.

"She had taken to sleeping outside so she could watch the fireflies dance as she went to sleep but she still staunchly refused to let me keep a lamp lit at night."

"What did you do?"

Jim gave him a knowing look. "We made it into a game. We would set out to catch fireflies ever night and keep them in a jar by her bed. After she fell asleep I would let them go and the next night we would do it all over again until the fireflies stopped coming for the year and her mother explained to her that the fireflies knew that she didn't need them anymore so they went to help another child."

Castle looked at him, confused. "So you are saying I should lie to her?"

"No, son, I'm saying that even then Katie didn't like to admit that she was scared. She's scared now and too stubborn to admit it. So she's running away to sleep with the fireflies. I know it's a more complicated situation but you just need to be patient with her and she will find a way to get over her fear and stay."

Jim gave him a knowing look as Castle tipped back the rest of his drink. "And I'm pretty sure that solution is waiting in her belly. The moment she sees that baby she won't be able to leave. She loves it too much. She loved both of you too much."

* * *

"Kate?" Lanie called once again as she walked back out onto the porch of the small cabin. "Kate? Are you out here?"

She let out a sigh as she glanced around. Rebecca and Martha were peering around the large cabin, taking in the almost finished structure. Kate was nowhere to be found.

"She's not here, chances are she made her way back into town," Lanie called as she approached the pair.

Martha nodded absentmindedly as she looked at the house. "What happened here?"

Lanie startled. "They didn't tell you about the fire?"

"Fire?" It was Martha'a turn to look shocked.

"Yes, ma'am." Lanie nodded her head slowly. "A group from the Klan set the house on fire a few months back right after Kate got arrested."

"Arrested!"

Lanie deflated as she let out another sigh, two pairs of eyes staring at her unwavering. "Come on, let's head back towards town. Kate probably went to find me. I will explain on the ride."

* * *

Castle's hat was hanging limply from his fingertips as he shuffled down the steps of the saloon and through town. He wanted to cry. He could feel the tears pricking at his eyes and that made him angry. He wanted to scream, to yell, to shake his wife until she would listen to him. _His wife._ She wasn't even his wife. They weren't married. He stopped in his tracks at the end of the main strip. Everything was so screwed up.

_She's scared and when she's scared she runs._

He knew this already. He knew she was scared and wounded and damn near broken but she had been holding on. She had been getting better day by day and he had gone and messed it all up again.

He ran a hand through his hair, working to think through his alcoholic haze.

He had to talk to her, to listen. He had promised to do that, right? He had promised to be there for her and to support her while she healed from everything that had happened to her, to them. And instead he had yelled and had blamed her. _He had blamed her._

Castle shook his head. He wanted to curse at himself, to slam his head against the wall. He had been stupid. So stupid. He needed to find her.

Placing his hat back on his head, he hurried towards the homestead, towards her, towards home.

* * *

"Kate?" Castle yelled as he burst through the door of the small cabin, panic rising in his chest as he took in the empty bed, empty chair, empty room. He backed out the door and rushed towards the big house. Empty. The barn. Empty.

"Kate!" He yelled as he rounded the backs of the buildings, and shielded his eyes with his hand, scanning the horizon.

Nothing. No one.

His hand clenched at his side. She wasn't gone. She wouldn't leave, couldn't leave.

She wasn't in town.

He let out a frustrated growl.

She couldn't have gone to the reservation: it was too far and the buggy was still in the barn. She was too pregnant to ride a horse. Besides, Whisper was still in the barn also.

_Where would she go?_

His eyes drifted along the horizon, scanning for any possible sign of life. He paused when he reached the tree line, a small smile forming across his lips. He knew exactly where she would go.

* * *

Kate let out a sob as she slid down to the ground, the rough bark of the tree scratching down her back. She had tried to reach the tree line. She could see it in the distance but the sharp slices of pain were coming too frequently now; only minutes in between the contractions. Her hands curled at her sides as she clawed her fingers into the dirt. Something, anything to take her mind off the pain. She felt a wetness coat her thighs and she let out another sob, her head falling back against the trunk of the tree.

"Castle," She cried out softly, her mouth working but the word barely making it past her dry lips. "Castle, please. I'm sorry."

Another sob escaped as she curled an arm around her belly.

She could feel the haze begin to creep into her mind, the fuzziness of unconsciousness looming over her, her head lolling to the side.

"Kate!"

Her head jerked up and she blinked into the brightness. The world blurred around her.

"Cas-?"

Her tongue darted out to moisten her lips.

"Kate? Kate? Can you hear me?"

Her hands clawed frantically at the ground as she attempted to push herself to her feet, only to slide back to the ground as another contraction over powered her. "Castle!"

She could hear the crunch of leaves but the world had gone black again, her eyes screwed shut as her jaw clenched, strangling her moan from the pain.

He was warm side her as he slid to the ground and she blinked her eyes open again, focusing on him as he kneeled beside her.

"Kate?"

His hand was held out, hesitantly waving inches from her sweat-matted hair.

"You found me?"

"Yeah, I found you. You always go to the river to think."

"Sorry," She forced out as the pain eased once more and she tilted her head up to look in his eyes. "So sorry. Love you. Please. Not going to leave. Please."

His breath was cool as he leaned in, his forehead resting against hers. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled. It's okay. Everything is going to be okay."

Kate tensed as another contraction hit. Her body curling as she was forced to push. "Baby, coming."

Castle's eyes were wide as he pulled back to look at her, his hand still wrapped around the back of her neck. "We need to get you to town."

Kate shook her head again. "No time."

Castle turned back to look at the tree line before jumping to his feet, leaning back over to gather her in his arms. "Okay, it's okay just hold on. We'll make it."

He stumbled over the uneven land towards the homestead, Kate cradled in his arms. He had meant what he said. They were going to make it. All of them.

* * *

Lanie was the first one to find them, having come back to the homestead when she couldn't find Kate in town. Shock etched on her face as she took in the scene surrounding her.

"Hey," Castle's eyes flickered up to her from his place in the rocker, the small bundle swaddled in his arms. "You had better watch out or I will be vying for your job. Apparently I make a pretty good midwife."

Lanie's eyes darted to Kate who was asleep on the bed, curled under the patchwork quilt. "How is she?"

Castle nodded, his eyes still glued to the small bundle in his arms. "She's fine. Sleeping."

Lanie took a small step closer to him, her eyes now focused on the bundle as well. "And who do we have here?"

Castle hesitated, his voice still quiet. "I don't know. What's your name little girl?"

"Emily."

They both turned towards the quiet voice sounding from the bed. "Emily Johanna Castle."

Kate pushed herself up to a sitting position, wincing as her body protested. "Can I hold my daughter?"

"Of course," Castle couldn't help the small, relieved smile when he heard his partner as for the baby. His baby. Their baby. _Her baby._

She cradled the small body gently to hers, a tear running down her cheek as the pair of smoky blue eyes blinked open to look at her. "She's okay?"

The words came out as a statement more than a question. The awe in her voice reverberated through the room.

"She's perfect," Castle replied as he stood awkwardly at her side. "Ten finger, ten toes, can cry like a champion."

Kate scooted forward an inch, her free hand tugging at Castle and he gave in easily, sliding into the bed so he was sitting behind her, allowing her body to relax back into him. He peered down over her shoulder at their child who was staring back at them, mesmerized. His eyes drifted to look at Kate's profile. She was smiling down at their baby girl, a look of pure joy on her face as she talked softly to the girl, tears glistening on her cheeks.

"You're both perfect."

* * *

A/N: Thoughts?


	6. Chapter 6

Carnivale

A/N: Once again, thank you for your patience. This story has proven to be difficult to write but hopefully the wait has been worth it. :)

Thank you to Deb for your awesomesause beta-ing skills. ;)

* * *

Chapter 6

Kate stared at the tiny baby cradled in her arms. Her baby. _Their _baby. She tore her eyes off of the little sleeping face— the button nose, rose red lips, chubby cheeks—long enough to glance over at Castle, lying on the bed sound asleep next to her. She balanced Emily in the crook of her right arm, reaching out to run her left hand through his hair. She scratched gently against his scalp, smiling softly as he grumbled in his sleep, nuzzling his head into her hand.

"He loves you, you know."

Kate glanced over to where Sarah was leaning against the side of the bed, elbows propped on the soft surface, chin resting in her palms.

"I know."

Sarah's head popped off the mattress and she peered over Kate's arms to look at the tiny face inside the swaddle of blankets. "Can I see my little sister?"

Kate couldn't help but smile as the little freckled face peered up at her with pleading eyes.

"Of course," she whispered, scooting down on the bed so that Sarah could see. "Emily meet your big sister, well one of them. This is Sarah and she will always be watching over you."

Sarah leaned over, whispering something in the baby's ear and Kate watched as Emily's lips twitched, her cloudy blue eyes blinking open to look up at her mother. "Hey little girl."

The eyes fluttered closed again and Emily let out a small sigh, her face scrunching as she snuggled back into sleep.

"Have you slept at all?"

Kate let out a questioning hum, her eyes never leaving her child as she cocked her head towards her husband… beau… partner… they really needed to remedy that. "No. No sleep."

"You should, you know. While she's sleeping."

Kate felt the bed shift as he sat up next to her, leaning over her shoulder to look at their child. "I know but not yet."

"Okay," he whispered in return, dropping a soft kiss to her bare shoulder before settling his chin in the same spot. "Who were you talking to?"

"Sarah, she wanted to meet her sister."

"Oh." Castle's chin lifted from her shoulder and Kate traced a finger down Emily's forehead, nose and over her tiny lips. "Speaking of sisters, have you seen Alexis?"

Kate's brow scrunched as she turned to look at the empty cot. "No, she hasn't come home yet. That's strange. What time is it?"

They both glanced over to the window. It was dark outside. Castle reached down to his pile of clothing on the floor, pulling out his pocket watch. "It is after dark. It's not like Alexis to be out this late."

He glanced around, his gaze landing on Kate and the baby before shooting back over to the cot and the closed door.

Kate reached out a hand, smoothing it down his bare back. "Go. We'll be here when you get back. Both of us."

Castle nodded, giving her one final once over before swinging his legs out of bed and pulling on his clothes.

"Be careful," Kate called as he pulled open the door and he turned back to look at her. After a second of hesitation he hurried back across the room and placed a kiss, hard and demanding against her lips, cradling the back of her head in his palm.

"Always."

* * *

Alexis wandered through the camp, skirting around the various wagons and cages in her way. Her eyes darted over the creatures, their matted fur, dirty nails. Her gaze landed on a horse in the distance. She could see its ribs poking out through its skin.

It had all seemed so gorgeous, majestic as they had paraded into down but in the dusky light of evening everything seemed a little bit darker, more menacing.

Alexis swallowed hard as she slowed to a walk, hesitating slightly as she took the time to peer through the bars, watching all of the animals. Their tired eyes trailed after her. She startled as a burst of raucous laughter sounded from a covered wagon behind her.

Bile rose in her throat as she took in the stench of rotting meat.

Hesitated slightly, she debated whether to turn back towards town or to wander deeper into the camp.

A couple stumbled around the corner of the wagon, the woman wearing a dress that was cut so low that her breasts were heaving out. The man's dirt-caked hands pawing clumsily at the laces threaded up her front. Their bare feet were caked in mud and the woman's stage makeup was pooling under her eyes and smudged down her face.

Alexis' eyes darted around as she stumbled backwards attempting to hide behind a stack of the wooden crates behind her.

"Hey!" Her eyes came up to see the woman pointing towards her as she stumbled forward, brushing the man's hands away. "Aren't you Meredith's kid?"

Alexis gulped, eyes wide as she watched the woman come closer to her with her glassy eyes and lopsided smile. The man staggered up behind her, hands coming around to cup her breasts. The woman swiped a hand half-heartedly at the man but ended up letting out a moan instead as he tweaked her nipple in retaliation.

The woman giggled as she reached a hand out for Alexis, the man leering at her from over the woman's shoulder. "You're prettier than your momma you know."

Alexis could smell the alcohol on her breath over the stench of their bodies. Traces of white power smudged under the woman's nose. Her eyes darted around again, panicked, her back pressed against the crates. She attempted to move to her left but the tiger growled from the cage at her side forcing her to stop in her tracks.

"I… I should go…" Alexis stuttered out as she tried to edge around the couple the other way.

"Oh, no, don't go. You're looking for your Momma, right? We can take you to her," the woman replied with another drunken giggle.

"Yeah, we'll take care of you," the man interjected.

"No," Alexis shook her head, her heart pounding in her chest. "I'll just go home. I'll find her in the morning."

"Oh, come now," the man took a step around the woman, advancing towards Alexis as she circled around them, backing towards the edge of the circus camp. "Don't be like that. We can have lots of fun together."

His arm closed around Alexis' arm and she fought the urge to scream, not wanting to alert the rest of the camp to her presence; who knew what would happen if there were more of them. She took in a deep breath. She could handle this; she had been in worse situations. Kate had taught her what to do; she just had to think.

She could feel the knife resting against her spine under her dress but she couldn't reach it without lifting up her skirt. She hadn't even thought twice about wearing a dress this morning and the problem it caused when it came to accessing the weapon. The town had been safer lately; quiet. Besides, she was the sheriff's daughter; no one would try to harm her.

She swallowed, her throat thick with fear, forcing her words out with more courage than she felt. "My mother is the sheriff, you don't want to mess with me."

The man laughed, sneering down at her. "Your mother is a two bit whore who is only the star of this show because she prostituted herself to the ringmaster."

Alexis could feel the tears welling in her eyes. She had to get out of there. She sucked in another breath, her hand twitching at her side as the man's grip tightened around her bicep.

She could do this. Kate had taught her how to do this.

In one swift motion she gripped the man's hand, twisting her arm out of his grasp as her knee came up to connect with his privates.

The man let out a strangled scream, falling to his knees and the woman shouted after her as Alexis took off sprinting back towards town, never slowing down to look back over her shoulder.

* * *

Kate watched as Emily suckled gently on her breast. Emily: her daughter. Her beautiful, perfect, breathing baby girl. She brushed a finger down the soft pink cheek and Emily squirmed letting out a mew of annoyance. Kate couldn't help but chuckle.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I interrupt your meal?"

Emily scrunched up her nose before latching back on to her nipple. Kate just continued to stare at her daughter. Her perfect daughter with rosebud lips, button nose and dusty rose cheeks.

"I love you," she murmured and Emily let out a sigh, her little breaths brushing against Kate's bare skin.

The little girl finally drew back, her eyelids drooping closed as her lips smacked gently. Kate jostled her up, leaning her against her bare shoulder, rubbing circles on her back until the tiny body let out a very unladylike belch.

Kate smiled down as two sleepy eyes met hers. "That was a good one. Your papa would be very proud. If I know him like I think I do, he will be harnessing that skill. Just don't show Rebecca, though, she would be scolding you up one wall and down the other. But you know what? We can make faces at her behind her back, and once you are old enough to hold a bow, I'll teach you how to shoot and track and then you'll be able to sneak up on her and shoot painted arrows at her. Don't worry they don't hurt but they will turn her skin funny colors. You just can't let yourself get caught. You'll have to be quick, like an Indian scout. You think you can do that little girl?"

Emily stared up at her, a little fist flailing in front of her face.

"I'll take that as a yes."

Kate shifted in the bed, so she was lying down, the baby cradled against her chest. Emily's eyes drifted closed again, her breaths evening out as Kate patted softly against her back. Kate's eyes drifted shut and she let out a content sigh as she also fell into an exhausted sleep.

Kate's eyes flew open as the door to the cabin banged against the wall and she saw Alexis standing at the threshold, tears streaming down her face.

"Alexis?" She questioned, as she propped herself up on one elbow carefully, the other hand coming up to hold the baby in place. "What happened? What's wrong?"

Alexis' eyes darted around, taking in the scene in front of her. "You had the baby?"

Kate nodded, her eyes wide as she watched the girl take a hesitant step into the cabin. "Yes, a few hours ago. Come meet your little sister."

Alexis staggered slightly as she closed the door behind her, rounding the corner to stand awkwardly next to the vacant side of the bed. She sniffled as she swiped her hands at the trail of tears streaming down her cheeks.

Kate waved her free hand at her, gracing her with a soft smile. "Come on, lay down."

Alexis nodded as se slid onto the bed, curling onto her side to stare at her stepmother and newborn sister. "What's her name?"

Kate pushed herself back up to sit in the bed, pulling the sleeve of Castle's too big shirt back up over her shoulder. She reached down to run a hand through Alexis' hair as the girl continued to sniffle next to her. Her eyes drifted, following the redhead's gaze to the infant sleeping in arms. Alexis' finger trailed over the small hand.

"Emily Johanna," she replied. Alexis would tell her what was wrong when she was ready.

"Hi Emily. It's nice to meet you," Alexis whispered in reply.

"She has your father's and your eyes," Kate whispered back, her fingers brushing gently through the long red locks.

Alexis nodded against her. "Where is my father?"

"He went looking for you. We were worried." Kate watched as Alexis' face crumbled again at the words and a new wave of tears streamed down her face. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

Alexis shook her head against the pillow burying her face into it, breathing in her father's scent from the fabric. "I'm so sorry, Momma, I love you."

Kate startled at the words, her hand stilling momentarily in the girl's hair, starting to move again as Alexis let out another sob.

"I love you, too," she whispered, her hand untangling itself from the red hair to rub down the teenager's back as Alexis fell into a fitful sleep.

Kate's eyes continued to flicker between her daughters, watching both of them as they slept curled into her, until the door creaked open for a second time and she looked up to see Castle's panicked face.

"Castle…"

"I couldn't find her, Kate. I'm going to go get Esposito and Ryan. She could be anywhere by now…"

"Castle," Kate whispered insistently in reply. "She's right here."

Castle looked up startled, his hand running through his hair to see his oldest daughter asleep in the bed.

"What happened? When did she get back? Is she okay?"

Kate gave him a calming smile as he came over to her, reaching down to pull the baby off of her chest, placing her gently in the bassinet beside the bed. "She's fine, at least physically but there is something wrong."

Castle let out a sigh as he sunk down on the bed at Kate's hip, his hand still running through his hair. He looked up as Kate's fingers reached up to grasp at his, pulling his hand down to rest in his lap, their fingers threaded together.

"It's been a long day. We'll talk to her in the morning, together."

Castle nodded, his body deflating in on itself.

"Castle," Kate started up again after a quiet moment, only the sounds of the small family breathing filling the room.

"Hmm?" He breathed out in reply, as he leaned over, resting his head against Kate's chest, her other hand coming up to rub the back of his head soothingly.

"She called me her mother."

Castle only nodded against her, his head nuzzling sleepily into her. "That's because you are."


	7. Chapter 7

Carnivale

A/N: Ask and ye shall receive... eventually... I am so sorry for the delay in updating this story but I do plan on finishing it and I have an idea for the next installment as well, so please bear with me. ;)

Disclaimer: Castle is back from hiatus tonight and so is Carnivale.

* * *

Chapter 7

Kate watched her eyes glued to the woman as Rebecca lifted Emily out of the bassinet, hushing the tiny, pink baby as she squirmed. Emily's little face scrunched up as Rebecca removed the dirty diaper from her bottom. She should be the one doing that, not her. Emily was _her_ baby. It was _her _responsibility to take care of her, to protect her. _She_ was the one who woke up in the middle of the night panicked that something had happened to the child, sitting awake for hours, rocking in the chair, clutching the baby to her chest in confirmation that she was there, alive. They both were.

"Now, you have to make sure the water is warm or else she's going to fuss. Also, you must be sure to be here every two hours to feed her. No excuses."

Kate rolled her eyes from her place propped up in the bed as Rebecca continued to lecture her on the proper procedure for taking care of _her _baby. She reached out her arms expectantly. "Can I see her now?"

"Not now, it's nap time."

Kate let out a huff, the anxiety creeping up inside of her. She needed to hold her baby. "She can sleep here with me."

Rebecca let out a hearty laugh. "Everyone knows that children must learn to self soothe and be independent. That isn't going to happen if you coddle her."

Kate stared at the woman. Coddle? Emily was only three days old. She was _supposed_ to _coddle_ her. "She's _my baby_."

"Yes, dear, she is but _I _know how to take care of her."

Kate's jaw dropped as Rebecca turned back to the baby, shushing her as she swaddled her in a fresh blanket and placed her swiftly back into the bassinet, which had been moved away from the bed and now sat next to the rocking chair. Kate straightened slightly in the bed, adjusting her nightgown as she moved to protest again. It had been two straight days of this and she was tired of it. She could take care of her own baby, and she didn't need anyone's help to do it.

Carefully, she pushed herself out of the bed, gritting her teeth as she did, the tender ache of her still-healing body. She inched towards the bassinet in the corner, Rebecca looking up from her place in the rocker as she approached. "What are you doing?"

"I'm getting my baby."

"No, you are not. You are going back to bed," the older woman scolded, pushing herself out of the chair to usher Kate back.

Kate gritted her teeth, her fist clenched at her side. "No, I'm going to hold my child and you can leave."

Rebecca let out a huff of indignation as she took in the determined look on the sheriff's face. Her jaw clenched as she turned toward the door, striding out, the fire still burning in her eyes.

Kate sank down in the rocking chair, one fist clenched at her abdomen, the other pressed against her forehead. She knew she would be hearing about it soon enough, especially since Rebecca's 'help' had been at Martha's suggestion, with Castle's support but at least for now they were alone, together.

* * *

"Richard, she won't let anyone else near the girl. I'm surprised she even let's _you _in the same room with little Emily."

"It's not like that, Mother," Castle defended quietly as they walked arm in arm down Main Street. "She's her mother. She's just protective. She let's plenty of people see Emily."

Martha let out a laugh. "Like whom? She threw Rebecca out and she was only trying to help her be a better mother."

"Kate doesn't want help. She likes to do things on her own and with everything that happened while she was pregnant I don't blame her for being protective of her. She did… _everything_ possible to keep Emily safe then."

"Yes, well, this is a baby and unless she wants to give up everything else in her life: resign as sheriff, stop hunting, quite riding out to the reservation to see her Indian friends, she is going to have to accept a little bit of help."

Castle shook his head as his shoulders slumped in acceptance of his mother's words. Kate wouldn't want to give up everything she loved; no matter how much she loved Emily. And even if she did, she would be miserable for it.

Maybe accepting help wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. Kate definitely wasn't going to like that.

"I'll speak to her."

"Good, darling," Martha nodded her head in approval, the large deep blue plume extending from her hat bouncing as she did.

"Now," Martha continued, her fingers, sheathed in elbow high, blue gloves that matched her hat, tapping impatiently on his arm. "About this little ordeal with the two of you not being married. You know I am not one to be deterred by a scandal, but this is not New York, dear, as you are constantly reminding me in your stories. You cannot expect the people here to think the same way."

Castle let out a small sigh as he turned his eyes towards the heavens for guidance. "Yes mother, I know and I am going to talk to Meredith as soon as I can but with the baby and Alexis is going through some things right now, I just don't have the time right now."

Now it was Martha's turn to be startled, "Alexis? What's wrong with Alexis?"

Castle shook his head, his free hand coming up to rub his brow. "I don't know. She won't talk to me."

"It will be all right, dear," Martha consoled, patting her son soothingly on the hand. "Just give her time, she'll come around."

They walked in silence for a few moments before she spoke again. "Richard? What happened to Katherine while she was pregnant?"

Castle's head fell as he studied the fine layer of dust being kicked up as they strolled along. "Come on mother, let's go back to the hotel. This is something we try not to discuss in public."

* * *

Kate was sitting in the bed, making faces as Emily stared up at her in wonder when the wave of cool air hit her from the doorway, causing her to look up startled. She shook her head as she took in the sight of the red headed girl standing in the doorway. She had been distracted lately by the bundle currently residing in her lap, no longer as sharp as she used to be. In fact she had been distracted for the last few months, ever since…

No. She wasn't thinking about that now. She was getting better now. She would be back to normal by the time she returned to her post as sheriff.

"Hello, Alexis, how are you doing?"

The girl glanced around the small house. "Where's Rebecca?"

"I sent her home. I wanted some time alone with my daughter," Kate replied, smiling as her eyes drifting back down to the baby gurgling up at her, tiny fists waving in the air.

"Oh," Alexis looked down at her feet shuffling on the step, her hands clasped in front of her. "I'll leave you alone then."

Kate's eyes shot back up. "What? Oh, no, Alexis, I didn't mean you. Come in. You're my daughter too."

The girl's eyes shown, a brief flicker of hopeful light, as she took a hesitant step into the room making her way slowly toward the bed. "How is she today?"

"She's perfect," Kate grinned as Emily's nose scrunched, letting out a tiny sneeze. "How are you? Ready to talk about what's on your mind?"

"I…" Alexis sank down on top of the patchwork quilt, tucking her legs up under her so she could lean over Kate's shoulder and watch her newborn sister's innocence, letting the baby's innocence wash over her. "I saw something I shouldn't have and then I said some things I am not proud of."

Kate considered the vague yet telling words for a moment. "Would you like to tell me about it? Maybe I can help."

"I… I don't know if I should. I don't want anyone to get hurt but I don't know what to do."

Kate's head lifted at this and she pulled her attention away from the baby, focusing instead on the creased brow of the young woman seated at her side. _Hurt? _This was more serious than she had thought. She really hadn't been paying attention to anything else lately… Well it was time to make up for that. "Alexis, if someone is being threatened or someone is in danger you must tell me."

"No, no, it's not like that… it's just…" Alexis' head dropped again as she took in a deep breath, her gaze wandering to every other corner of the room. "I saw Laura and Olivia together and they were… acting like a man and a woman should together. It wasn't right, Kate! And I told her what she was doing was wrong and she looked so hurt but I didn't know what else to do."

Kate took in a deep breath as she looked back down at the tiny girl in her lap before picking her up in her arms and carefully pushing herself off of the bed, wandering over to place her in the bassinet before making her way back to the bed, perching on the side and turning to look at the girl she had watched grow into a young woman over the past two years.

"Alexis," She began, reaching out a hand to curl a lock of the Alexis' hair back behind her ear. "I've seen a lot of things living out here, things you wouldn't see back east. People come out here for a fresh start, they come out here because they are different and want the freedom to be themselves. Just because Laura and Olivia are different, that they love differently doesn't mean that they are any better or worse than you or I."

Alexis stayed silent, studying her hands clasped in her lap.

"Alexis, look at me," Kate urged, waiting until the girl's eyes met her own. "Is Laura any different than she used to be?"

"Well, yes, she wasn't like _this_ in New York!" Alexis exclaimed.

Kate sighed. "Alexis, I would wager that Laura has always been like this, or at least she has been for a very long time."

Alexis fell back into silence, her head bobbing slightly as she considered the words. "But I said some awful things. How am I going to fix that?"

Kate reached out again, running her fingers through her elder daughter's hair. "Go talk to her. She'll forgive you, I promise."

Alexis nodded again. "You won't tell anyone, will you? I don't want them to get hurt. Most people wouldn't understand, even out here."

"I haven't told anyone yet, have I?"

The girl's head shot up. "You knew?"

"Yeah, I knew. Laura told me some months ago," Kate confirmed.

"Why didn't you say anything? She's my best friend and I had to find out this way!" Alexis exclaimed straightening her posture to give her another inch of height as she attempted to look indignant surrounded by a sea of dark blue fabric.

"Alexis, it wasn't my place to tell. Laura was going to tell you when she was ready, when she thought you were ready. You just happened to find out first."

Alexis deflated back into the pillows again, understanding filling her eyes. "Everything has been so jumbled lately. And now my mother is back and I want to get to know her but I also just want her to leave so everything can be normal again. Part of me wants everything to go back to how it was before…"

Her words trailed off as her eyes lifted to meet Kate's, blanching at the flicker of hurt she saw there. "I didn't mean…"

Kate forced a small smile. "I understand. I know that I'm not the easiest person to live with and your life was better before I came along but I want you to know, that everything that has happened— I wouldn't change it for the world because it has brought me you, your father and her."

Alexis dropped her head, chagrin, as she listened to the older woman's words.

"So," Kate cleared her throat after a moment, effectively breaking the silence that had filled the space between them. "That's a nice dress, where did you get it?"

"My grandmother brought it for me. Rebecca insisted I wear it today," Alexis responded, shifting uncomfortably. "They said I still needed to look like a lady even if I was living in the wild, especially if I am still striving for university."

She let out an unladylike roll of her eyes, an expression of exasperation that Kate couldn't help but laugh at; a reflection of herself in the girl. "Well you do look very nice."

Alexis huffed, fidgeting in her place for a moment, attempting to adjust her corset.

"I would rather be able to breathe. How did I wear these insufferable things for so long?"

* * *

Castle stood in the doorway watching as his wife… no, that wasn't correct. She wasn't his wife… his partner whispered to their baby, her brow furrowed in frustration. "What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing," Kate looked up, startled, shaking her head. "Nothing's wrong."

Using her free hand, she brushed a wayward lock of hair from her face, whispering again to the baby. Castle let out a sigh as he stepped into the room. "It looks like something_ is _wrong."

"I'm fine. I have everything under control," Kate snapped. "I don't need help."

Rick let out a breath as he sunk down onto the mattress at her side.

"I never said you needed help," he placated. "I just asked what was wrong."

"I…" Kate deflated back into the mountain of pillows behind her. "She won't eat. She's hungry, I know she is, but she won't latch!"

Castle sighed, nodding in understanding as he scooted up to sit on the bed beside the pair. "Try this."

He ran his finger down the side of the baby's face gently, causing her tiny pink lips to part, searching for food.

"See, that wasn't so hard."

Kate let out a frustrated huff as Emily latched on to her breast, working her jaw hungrily. "I could have done it."

"I know you could have but you don't have to do it alone. Sometimes it's just easier with a little help…"

"I'm guessing Rebecca talked to you," Kate grumbled as she soothed a hand over the baby's head.

"My mother actually."

"Even better."

"Kate, I'm not suggesting that you need help taking care of Emily, I am simply stating that you don't have to do it alone. Maybe a little bit of help would be nice."

"But…" Kate's eyes drifted down to the tiny body snuggled against her body. "What if something happen and I'm not here to protect her."

"Nothing is going to happen. The town has been calm other than the circus being here and they will be leaving soon, hopefully taking _everyone_ with them. Rebecca is here to help. Why don't you let her? We both know that if you stay cooped up here eventually you will come to resent it."

"Fine," Kate relented despite pulling Emily a fraction closer to her body, her mother bear nature showing in true form. "But at least let me have today. Tomorrow she can come help."

"Okay," Castle agreed as he leaned over to brush a kiss against her temple. "Tomorrow."

* * *

Alexis bit her lip, her hand hesitating before rapping on the door. She shifted uneasily from one foot to the other as she waited for an answer from the other side. Her hands itched to fidget with her dress in an attempt to make it more comfortable.

The door swung open after a moment and Alexis found herself face to face with Olivia.

"Hi, Olivia," Alexis greeted. "Is Laura here?"

"She is," Olivia responded, arms crossed over her chest.

"Can I see her?"

Olivia glanced back over her shoulder. "Laura doesn't want to see you."

"Oh… well, can you let her know I stopped by?" Alexis asked, discouraged.

"Olivia, let her in."

Both girls turned to see Laura step into view over Olivia's shoulder.

"Hi," Alexis gave a small wave as she stepped into the dim house. "I just wanted to apologize for what I said the other day. I didn't mean it…. Laura? What's wrong?"

Alexis' eyes scanned over her friend's tear stained face, puffy cheeks; the haunted look in her eyes. "Is this because of me because I am so, so sorry."

"No," Laura sniffed in reply pulling the redhead into a hug. "It's not. I forgive you."

"Why are you crying?"

"We went to check out the animals in the circus today, to see if they needed any care. They were so awful, Alexis. I've never seen a creature so malnourished or treated. We have to do something."

Alexis looked between the two other girls, her friends, a plan forming in her head and a smile crept over her lips. She had seen the cages, where the animals were kept at night. She had heard the carnis drunken laughter and tales from the tent. She knew how to sneak in.

"I know exactly what to do."


End file.
